I hacked her blog account tonight to vent myself. I hope she doesn’t get too mad.
From Rob,
I have sat in the uncomfortable pleather seat many times in the last 2 years. I have watched her as she cried, rejoiced, slept, healed, recovered, and every other motion and emotion. She has been extremely strong and courageous the entire time.
I have heard I can’t do this anymore only twice. Both times I have responded, ”yes you can”. It has been one 
of those days. I became a cheerleader when she was feeling defeated. She has fought and fought hard. This will pass she just can’t see it yet. In our times of weakness, He is strong. This is what we lean on, this is what we count on.
Taira has had some difficulty swallowing for several weeks now. It started as a weakness and progressed into a big problem. First she couldn’t swallow larger food items. We began going to softer foods and smaller pieces, then to liquids and soups. Sunday she was unable to eat oatmeal for breakfast so we figured we would wait for lunch. After going to church together we decided to go to a chinese restaurant together. She couldn’t eat egg drop soup. This was alarming. If she can’t get down liquids how would she get any nutrition. We called the doctor and the on-call provider told us to go to the ER. We did not obey immediately. We tried every home remedy we thought of and found on the internet. Trying to help her open her esophagus.
When nothing worked we headed in. Bags in hand we knew we would have to stay. In the ER the doctor was very confident it was a simple infection he could treat and she would recover quickly. Excitement, it was nothing serious and she should quickly be back to getting stronger again. Once admitted, other doctors ware not so convinced and after the treatments failed we began test after test.
Results? Dermatomyocitis. This stinking condition has caused more trouble than all of the bouts with cancer. It has immobilized her arms and legs, stolen her speech, and now taken her ability to eat. Result? She needs a feeding tube. In order to overcome this debilitating disease she needs nutrition and in large quantities. With her only being able to ingest 8oz. of liquid per hour that isn’t enough to sustain much less build muscle. It’s Tuesday and we are staying another night.
Sitting in a hospital with a loved one it is interesting how you see the world. As everyone goes on with life while yours has just come to a screeching halt. People continue to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and you just want to rest and get back to a normal tomorrow.
I don’t want the world to stop and suffer along I didn’t do that when others were going through this and my life went on. I just find it helps to put these feelings out there. Lives should go on and happiness should keep creating smiles. It’s just a different view from my seat in life today. It has given me a new view on people’s suffering and trauma.
Ok God I learned it. Let’s move on….
