The word cancer does creates so many emotions in people nowadays. It seems we all know someone who has been touched by this disease. Every time I turn around someone is sharing a story with me of someone or themselves that have been through this journey. I find common ground and bond with each and every one of them. I have made some amazing friends through fighting through cancer. Some I have sadly lost along the way and some I have watched beat this disease and are survivors. It’s a really strange bond that unless you have experienced it I don’t know if my words can explain it to you. I mean just look at what my pink sisters did for me two weeks ago. The trip, Ellen, the love, the meals, the massage, the photos it was an endless pouring of love on me. They know that I am still in my battle and this was a way to love me through it and help me gain more strength to fight. Let me tell you it works. Every time I get a card in the mail, a donation to our medical fund, an encouraging post on my blog it is like filling my tank with gasoline. It helps me fight harder. I am amazed at how many supporters that I have. I can’t believe how many people really love me that much. That alone is one of the biggest blessings.
I have been teaching Braydon what the word blessings means. He told me one day, “Mommy we sure are lucky aren’t we?”. I wanted him to know that luck has nothing to do with it. It’s so cute now because he will just randomly pick out things in our family and say, “that was a blessing mommy”. Oh, how I love to hear him talk like that. I have made it a new habit in my life to wake up each morning and thank God for my blessings, and choose joy to be a part of my day. It’s really easier to do that lately because of all the blessings being poured on me and how good I have felt. It was much harder when I was in the midst of the storm. So, don’t think I am perfect in this ongoing adventure. I am walking this out with the Lord. He is teaching me and I am going through tests. Some I pass, and some I fail. There have been many times that I have wanted to give up. Times of great pain where I would pray, “Lord, please if you are not going to heal me then just take me. I don’t want to put my family through this any more and I hurt so badly”. However, every time I would get in that funk He would send someone in my path that would dig me back out. It’s pretty amazing as I look back over the journey the past three years. The first year of my story is actually in my care pages. Some of you may have not read that. That is part one of this journey. When I was declared cancer free and done with chemo I decided to write a book so I created this blog. I never dreamed the cancer would rear it’s ugly head again and my posts would quickly change to those of a new journey in fighting this demon. Just watch this video from only 7 months ago. I am amazed at how God has raised me up. They told me I had a two weeks to live. He raised me up from that. Then they said I had a year to live. Well, I am still here and feeling better than ever.
I know I have many types of readers. Some may think my spiritual insight is a bit crazy. That’s ok. We all have a little crazy in us anyway. However, I have to piggy back off one of my last articles. I really believe I am in spiritual warfare. I had the strangest thing happen to me yesterday. We met with Pastor Barbie from our church, she is officiating our wedding. It was a lovely meeting. As we got ready to leave the restaurant, Braydon’s foot got entangled with mine and I almost fell. The door was there so I caught myself. We all three had a big laugh and proceeded out the door. We walked for I guess about 800 feet and I felt just fine. Out of the blue Rob said to me, you cannot have any falls, we have a wedding coming up. No sooner did he get that out of his mouth and my legs went like jello. I am telling you it was like I was paralyzed. I feel flat on the concrete. I was at least strong enough this time to use my arms and keep my head or face from hitting the asphalt. I laid there not because I was in pain but because I was in shock. I just kept saying, “Are you kidding me?, did this really just happen?”. Rob helped me up while Braydon started picking up items that fell out of my purse. Braydon was so worried. I assured him I was fine. I have a bruised elbow and hip but I am fine. What is so weird about this to me? Well, I have been taught a lot of spiritual things in my life. I have been raised in the Free Will Baptist church, attended Church Of God, Assembly of God, Southern Baptist and non-denominational. Most of these all have different ideas when it comes to healing.
I have always believed that Satan can put thoughts in your head but I don’t think he can read your thoughts. So, I have been taught be careful what you say. If Satan knows your fears he is going to prey on them. I don’t let him know my fears. I do everything I can to keep them in my head for me and God to work through together. Was it a coincidence that as soon as Rob said that I fell? I don’t know but I took it very spiritually. I feel that Satan is trying to destroy me. He knows what God has planned. Just think how much hope I can give to woman and men fighting this disease when God totally heals me? My doctor once told me that being healed of stage four TNBC is like being healed of aids. It just doesn’t happen. I heave searched the internet and I can’t find a single case. I find many where they are in remission for several years but none where the cancer is gone. Well, I intend to be the first and Satan is running scared. I think he is trying every way he can to destroy me.
I just wanted to take a moment and thank cancer for what it has taught me. Yes, you read that right. I am thanking cancer. Without this journey my life would be so different. I don’t believe it would be better. Just different. I know that sounds very odd. No, I do not like having cancer. However, this journey has changed me forever. Here is a list I have come up with that is all because of cancer.
1. Team Martina – I would have never met this fine group of people if it weren’t for my cancer journey. They along with Sheila Jones their founder has blessed me and loved me beyond belief. I can’t imagine my life now without them.
2. Martina video – Well, yeah. I mean who gets to be in a country music video. That was such a cool moment in my life and something I will always cherish
3. Church – I am so happy to be back at our home church. My time at Madison Heights was to be a seed planter . They are thriving and I am so excited for them. I miss them so sometimes that makes me sad, but being back home has been so good for me. There isn’t a church anywhere for miles that has worship like they do at Spring House. Our family was welcome back with open arms. I am not sure if we would have found our way back if it wasn’t for the cancer journey.
4. Education – I have learned so much about cancer cells and DNA. It is so amazing to me how God so perfectly constructed our bodies. I don’t know how anyone can argue that there is no God.
5. Family – Our family has become even stronger. We had an amazing family before cancer became a part of our lives. However, my entire family has loved me, prayed for me an fought with everything they have. I look at them so differently. I do not take any time with them for granted. Every second that I get to hug or kiss on my family is priceless to me. I get to be here with them. The love has grown so big that I think we could get through just about anything. However, that is not an open invitation for more trials. I think we have had our share and I am ready to move forward.
6. New Hopes and Dreams – It was so hard for me to close my company. It was something that I accomplished all by myself and I was very proud. I regret not going to college. I don’t regret being a stay at home mother because I know that is partially why my kids are so well-balanced. However, having the opportunity to financially contribute to my family and be a mom was so wonderful. I loved what I did and I was good at it. I now have new hopes and dreams. This time away from the company God has given me new vision and I am so excited to move forward. It won’t be too long and you will be hearing about a grand opening. God is going to restore what satan tried to take away and it is going to be even bigger and better than before.
7. Old Hopes And Dreams – You just have no idea how excited I am about our upcoming wedding. Working in the wedding as so fun because I just love weddings. However, there was always something inside me that was a little sad as I would imagine myself in a wedding gown. Now, finally I am going to have that opportunity. Not only do I get to have a wedding but I have been blessed with a FREE wedding that is beyond what I could have ever dreamed. The flowers, the venue, the cake everything that is being given to us is top of the line and just gorgeous. I actually really feel like a bride too. My wedding dress is prettier than I ever dreamed and thanks to my cancer journey I have lost so much weight that I look like I wanted to look as a bride. I can’t wait for Rob to see me in my dress.
8. Weight Loss – Speaking of weight loss. I struggled my entire life with my weight. I was very insecure and hated the way I looked. I hated clothes, shopping and looking at myself in the mirror. I am ready for cancer to be gone but I am so thankful for my new body. I had breasts that were so large that my back hurt constantly. Clothes didn’t fit right and sometimes I felt deformed. Though I miss the feeling of real breasts I am so happy with the way I look. So, once again what Satan meant for harm God turned into a blessing.
9. Friendship Renewals – I have had so many friends that I haven’t heard from in years reconnect with me. It has been so wonderful. I was stunned when my old high school friend Andrea held a fundraiser for me in Michigan. When I saw the people who showed up I bawled like a baby. I felt so much love and support. Love is such a powerful thing. Cancer has taught me this.
10. My Momma – I know there are more than ten things to be thankful for but I am going to start here. My mommy and I have found a new relationship because of my cancer journey. That is one of my biggest blessings. I love her so much but sometimes it was hard for me to tell her. Why do you think that is? I really have no clue myself. It has not been an easy journey but God has taught us both so much about our love for one another. I know that when I was really sick she would stroke my forehead and tell me “God always gives you double for your trouble, hang on baby healing is coming”. That has become my life motto. It is so true. He has given me double for my trouble. Heck, he has given me way more than that. Disney trips, financial restoration, new health, family bond, new perspective on life, closer relationship with Him, tons of new friends, secret santa and more. It is overwhelming and I feel undeserving.
So, thank you cancer. Thank you for all that I have gained when you thought you were here to destroy. I hope that I will be a better person because of my journey. My desire is to encourage and spread love and hope to those around me. I hope when you look at me you see Jesus. This is not Taira the great. None of this would be possible without Him. You can have the exact same relationship. No matter what your think your future looks like God can change it and make it so beautiful. Be careful what you say out of your mouth. Don’t give satan any ideas. He has enough on his own. Don’t let him know your fears. That should be between you and God. Together you can learn to conquer them. Do I still have fears? Sure. However, God is teaching me every day how to let them go and trust Him.
Trust and Faith. Trust and Faith. Those are your keys to your freedom in health, finances, relationships & life challenges. Sharpen up your keys and have them with you at all times.
Blessings and Love,
Taira Baughman – (Red is powered up pink. I’m not pink)
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